February 5, 2012

Once again I'm torn with my decisions. A week ago I was positive I needed to sell my flowers and feeling so positive that I could. This week I have my doubts. February and March are the worse months for sales for me. Last year I sold a lot of old gold jewelry to make ends meet. This year I have none left. Not really sure what I'm going to do.

I've been working on my website and have changed the fonts and re made the banners so many times it's not funny, and in reality the changes are so minor I don't know that anyone would even notice the difference. I'm so anal about things like that. Even after I tweak things I'm still not happy.

Remember when you were a kid and things were so simple. There were no choices to make, you just did what you were told, ate what was put in front of you, went to school and spent your spare time playing. I think I need to dream about playing with the neighborhood kids tonight.

I don't think I mentioned this before. I had quite an imagination and a lot of ambition as a child. I also knew how to delegate, and I don't know where that talent disappeared. Every summer, I organized some big event, a circus, a puppet show, some kind of huge money making event in our back yard, Actually I had a stand of something or another going on all the time. I'd sell lemonade, or comic books Sometimes I'd just haul out everything I owned on our front lawn and waited for sales.

The circus was fun. I was a fortune teller, in a tent made from laundry poles and blankets. Friends were in charge of the animals, a cat and several jars of insects, Other friends performed. We didn't have too many customers, other than younger siblings, because most of the neighborhood kids were involved.

You would think that someone who was that clever, industrious and totally in charge as a kid, wouldn't be so dysfunctional as an adult. Maybe if I dream about being a kid, I'll find some clarity.