February 5, 2012

Once again I'm torn with my decisions. A week ago I was positive I needed to sell my flowers and feeling so positive that I could. This week I have my doubts. February and March are the worse months for sales for me. Last year I sold a lot of old gold jewelry to make ends meet. This year I have none left. Not really sure what I'm going to do.

I've been working on my website and have changed the fonts and re made the banners so many times it's not funny, and in reality the changes are so minor I don't know that anyone would even notice the difference. I'm so anal about things like that. Even after I tweak things I'm still not happy.

Remember when you were a kid and things were so simple. There were no choices to make, you just did what you were told, ate what was put in front of you, went to school and spent your spare time playing. I think I need to dream about playing with the neighborhood kids tonight.

I don't think I mentioned this before. I had quite an imagination and a lot of ambition as a child. I also knew how to delegate, and I don't know where that talent disappeared. Every summer, I organized some big event, a circus, a puppet show, some kind of huge money making event in our back yard, Actually I had a stand of something or another going on all the time. I'd sell lemonade, or comic books Sometimes I'd just haul out everything I owned on our front lawn and waited for sales.

The circus was fun. I was a fortune teller, in a tent made from laundry poles and blankets. Friends were in charge of the animals, a cat and several jars of insects, Other friends performed. We didn't have too many customers, other than younger siblings, because most of the neighborhood kids were involved.

You would think that someone who was that clever, industrious and totally in charge as a kid, wouldn't be so dysfunctional as an adult. Maybe if I dream about being a kid, I'll find some clarity.  

January 15, 2012

My ex husband had Hepatitis C. He was diagnosed while we were separated, just before the divorce. He refused to believe it, probably because he didn't want to give up drinking. When he started having serious health problems the diagnosis was confirmed and he started to get treatment shortly before he remarried. After living with him for 19 years, obviously I could have contracted it from him. Not necessarily, but a possibility.

I mentioned the possibility to my Doctors, but they were good Doctors. They wouldn't test me until I showed symptoms. And you don't need to treat without symptoms. You see, at the time it was possible for an insurance company to drop my coverage just because I had Hepatitis C, or if I got new insurance, it would be a preexisting condition. My Doctors were protecting me. But I was cautious.

My first grandson lived with me, I helped to raise him. I didn't know if I carried the disease so I was always overly cautious. I worried that a bloody hangnail, or a cut could infect him. Unlike my usual casual attitude about cleanliness, I was overly clean. I also worried that I might have exposed my own children, as I didn't know for sure, when my ex was exposed (although I had an idea) or if I was, and when. It was hard, because I always worried about harming my family. And then the laws changed. That was when the health privacy laws went into effect. I finally got my test and thankfully I didn't have Hepatitis C.

Some things in life you have no control over, no matter how much planning, preventing, and worrying you do. Some things in life turn out for the best, no matter how dim the prospects.

Today, I actually got a little work done. I tinted a few acrylic beads, and cut, sculpted and assembled a few flowers. I also got a brilliant idea about packaging. And it was a direct result of a lovely floral image from Pinterest. I can't begin to praise that site. For a visual artist it is the greatest source of inspiration you can get from your sofa. Granted, travel is best, but with a limited budget, Pinterest is definitely a strong second.

I also tried my new headband on my darling 2 month old granddaughter and it looked so cute, I have to make her a shorter version now.

I'm really looking forward to making some packaging samples and discussing them with some of my professional friends.  

January 13, 2012

I just got some news. Not sure if it's good or bad. My son, who lives in North Dakota, needs heart surgery. I felt totally comfortable with him getting it at the Cleveland Clinic, because for one, they are really good and also, I am able to be with him and then bring him to our house to recuperate. He won't be having his surgery here though, he will be going to the Mayo Clinic. I guess if he needs to go somewhere else, that would be the next best place.

My son was born with a very serious Heart defect. He wasn't expected to live to adulthood. His first open heart surgery was at one year old. We were told that surgery to further correct his condition was impossible, as it would take longer than the 6 hours max for the heart lung. But then, an amazing thing happened. My son started to deteriorate quickly at age 19. He went for tests, and just as it was when he was one, surgery had to be done right then. The miracle was, that there was one man in the world who could perform his correction in less than 6 hours, and he just happened to be working at the Cleveland Clinic.

I'm remembering all this, because my son's appointment at Mayo is on the anniversary of his first open heart surgery. The thing that has me upset, is that I can't be with him when he does have his surgery. I have no way to get there and no money to stay there, although if it's like Cleveland Clinic, there are places for family to crash and change and bathe. Guess I just have to sit by the phone and worry.

I crocheted a pretty lace fan as a flower base. I need to make some flowers for it now. I forgot that I wanted to make it a headband, but I think this one will be a clip. I made a Green headband and another Ivory Headband for a wedding piece. I really need to clean up my shop for my feature and get some new photos. These new pieces will be more expensive, but they'll be worth it. I plan to have some of them available at my website only.

I set up an appointment for a photo shoot Tuesday. Now I just have to finish more pieces. I actually have too much to shoot, so I have to plan quick ways to do them. I'm going to have the model wear the chains and just switch the flowers. The necklaces will be singles anyhow. I'll pin flowers on the headpieces so I can make a few different styles. I have a few premade necklaces and I think I'll use a clothespin to quickly shoot those too. Easier than working the lobster clasp.

I've been working like mad these past few weeks. I certainly hope something comes of this.