April 1, 2012

I promised I wouldn't work on my portfolio website too much, and I did keep my hands off it for most of the day, but I redid most of it tonight. I'm going to give you a sneak peek right here, but remember, it's not nearly finished.

I really don't have any experience viewing web portfolios, so I don't know what's the best way to format it. For now, I don't want to look at others. It will keep mine fresher. I will look up how to make a design portfolio website soon I think. I probably want to at least link my resume to the home page. I haven't finished that page yet either. I'm pretty excited about it. But it still doesn't say all it needs to.

I also contacted Vistaprint about my lousy postcards and they are sending out another set. I hope they are better than the first. I'm concerned about my daughters business cards, because I bought them the same week and she ordered 1500. It's so funny that they are so bad, because my business cards bought at the same time were fine. Well, I hope they are OK, because I really need to get my mini brochures ready.

I've decided to send off a single pin with each brochure. I also REALLY have to get my retail packaging together. And I need to order kraft boxes for my shop.

It was a really slow week fortunately, because of all the design work I had to complete. Wish I would have sold a bit more though. But this year was far better than last.

Today I really have to get new jewelry pieces together. And finish my sewing.

March 27, 2012

It's getting so close to the end of my four months. I'm finding that I've given myself too many tasks to do. The reason I am not accomplishing my goals though, is that my workload has increased so much that I can't finish everything. I wish I could have just focused on getting it all done, but I had too many sales and unexpected design clients.

Last year at this time, things were so slow, that I had to sell a lot of my jewelry to make ends meet. Oh well, next year at this time when I have loads of money, I can buy new jewelry, right?

The thing I regret the most is that I didn't have the free time to learn the new CAD program. I can do a bit on it, and I can take what I've done into Photoshop and alter, but most of my drawing has been on Photoshop.

I also wish I had finished my design website. I plan to contact some more people soon and want to have it up and running smoothly. Wish I could put on some of these new designs. I guess I can put some of the rejected ones. As soon as I'm finished with the new client designs I need to finish that site. I can make a decent living just off the drawings, not even including commission from the sales of product.

When I look at my old designs, compared to now, I have grown so much. It's a lot due to the freelance work, and partly due to my time on Etsy and Artfire. I've been exposed to so many techniques and styles by working there and seeing so much, that my work has improved greatly. It has only served to improve my product design and still influences future designs and trends.

March 23, 2012

I've been so crazy busy with work and life, I completely forgot I wanted to start making some art again. I think I'll start small, like ACEO (postcard) size works. Flowers I think. Just to get back into it. I think I'll buy some pencils. They seem to be reasonable on eBay, just hope they don't get fractured. I need some decent paper too. Maybe someone has some pre-cut ACEO for pencil on Etsy. I like a nice smooth hot press for colored pencil. I need something that I can do in about 20 - 30 minutes while I'm taking a break out in the sun. I can't use my computer there. It will be fun.

I spent almost the whole day dedicated to my design drawings. I started with invoices. My daughter keeps asking shy I haven't sent them yet. It's not that easy, you have to have an invoice in the first place, to fill in.
I had designed an invoice for my consulting work, on MS Excel, but that was not quite right. So two hours later I had finished the form and put in the items for payment. They will be much easier to do now, but still will take a little time. It really doesn't matter what you are invoicing for or who you are invoicing, even a standard form really has to be modified to fit the circumstances. And apparently I was a bit rusty and the Excel part.

The rest of the day I had peace and quiet, because the whole family was out for the day. I spent the quiet time getting my drawings finished. Then at the end of the day, I realized that the sewing machine was sitting untouched and I should have done my sewing. That was really dumb. Oh well. Now I have to fight with my daughter for time on the machines. I really don't have much to do, and she has to go out Sunday again to take her boy to see a Dr.

It's almost April. I have one month to finish my brochure and my design website. Very hard to do when your workload has doubled and near disaster hits every day. But I'm going to try my best. I guess I should finish my taxes and send that in too. Do I really need to sleep?

March 22, 2012

Life gets in the way part 365. Yes, that's the days in a year. I suppose I should say 366, because this is a leap year. How lucky we are to have an extra day to screw up things with. If you didn't get that sarcasm, it was.

I started the day cutting flowers in the sun. It was beautiful and peaceful. But my daughter needed me to watch the baby so I had to help. So much for flowers. Then I finally got the baby to rest and sleep. Next to me, because she relaxes better and sleeps sounder that way. I actually sang her to sleep. First time, I was shocked.

I was able to crochet a couple of denim blue headbands while she was sleeping. Good progress. Not exactly sure what to do with the white. I want something really lacy so I have to design that. Maybe with a lacy peak that falls down to the hairline.

I planned to work on more flowers and at night when the family was asleep, working on finishing my lighting drawings. My daughter took the baby and her eight year old down to the beach. He was playing with a friend.  He was trying to tow her on a boogie board, by the cord. We told him that she was too heavy and to stop because the cord might pull out. Right then and there it did and the plastic T that holds the cord to the board snapped forward right into his left eye.

That was the end of that evening of progress. His parents scooped him up in hes soaking wet T-shirt and bathing suit, grabbed the baby car seat, diaper bag and took him to the emergency room. They almost released him and then saw blood pooling in his iris. Parents had to take him to Cleveland to a better emergency room where they had to wait for several hours to see a Doctor and a few to be released. The accident was at 4pm, they got home at 1am.

While they were gone I had very little word. I couldn't think to design, I was pacing, and then decided to put my energy into mindless cleaning. I got more work done around the house than I had done in a very long time.  I was very far behind because of the cold and flue of the past months. I guess that all worked out, but I was already behind on designs, and they asked me to do more.

All things considering, it was a fairly productive day.

March 17, 2012

Today I was asked to do another rendering of a light design I had done freelance. This means that the Store I had designed for has chosen 6 of my designs to sample. It does not mean that they will buy them, but if the company I make them for can make nice samples at a good cost, it might mean that in 2013 they will be in the retail store and I will make commission.

I find that I definitely like designing product much better than sewing. There is a toss up between making jewelry and design though. Right now my income has doubled what I was making last year because of the design work, but the majority of design work is just this time of year.

I will be having a lot of work this time of year which will let me focus on getting my jewelry to shops at the end of April as I had planned. I need to focus more on my website to get the rankings up. I planned on having a giveaway in March, but I've been too busy. It think I need to do it anyhow. I'll do a quick giveaway of the Pick your own mini bouquet brooches. They will get them in time for Easter/Spring holidays. I'm hoping that I will bring traffic to my site and also have people recommend my flowers. I'll plan for Wednesday.

March 14, 2012

I haven't been able to sleep much lately. Maybe I have too much on my mind. I'm not sure that's the problem, because I always have a lot on my mind.

I contacted an old work associate today. I feel like I'm being dragged away from what I have invested the past four year in. Of course I invested many years into product design too. There were things I didn't like about my jobs though. But I guess there were some pretty wonderful things about it too.

I also received some pretty bad complaints about my jewelry today. Really horrible. I've been making it for several years now, and no one has complained like this. I did have a complaint once, that a buyer lost a bracelet while she was wearing it, but I think she just didn't have the toggle clasp closed right. She didn't know, but blamed it on me.

I know there are people out there who are just trying to play you. I guess there are good and bad people in every walk of life. There's the dishonest seller, who steals ideas, and there's the ones who will give you the shirt off their back. I've gotten help from people I barely know that I'm just amazed at. There are wonderful buyers who keep coming back, just to show support, and there are the ones who complain just to get something for free.

It's the same way at a job. Some bosses send you home crying and others will bend over backwards to promote and support you. I just seem to attract (or be attracted to) the bad ones. I might be able to return to work with a good boss. I might be able to marry again with a good man.

March 13, 2012

Must be that conjunction of Venus and Jupiter in the sky, but life has just gotten too busy the past few weeks. I'm so darn busy that I can't even find the time to finish my daughters taxes so she can get money, or sent my client an invoice so I can get money. Maybe we'll have enough to fix our car, or buy another. That would be nice.

I've been working on design drawings for a client, but I keep thinking about the new headbands I'm going to make, because I have new yarn. I sure hope I find the time to make them. Not that I can get to a model to photograph them. I wonder if I can set up a photo shoot in the park across the street with some hungry models. I can walk or ride a bike there. It's a bit of a walk into the park, but not too bad.

The weather has been so nice here too and I'm working all day and night and can't seem to get out and enjoy it much. I'm thinking retirement is looking better every day. I should have invested wisely. Oh well.

March 5, 2012

My horoscope this month suggested that I visualize where I want to go. That the time is ripe for my life to change and my goals to be met. I really believe in visualization. I believe it can lead to clarity, focus, and the ability to meet goals. I closed my eyes and tried to see myself happy and working hard and comfortably successful. Nothing specific came to mind. I still can't decide what I want to do.

I know that I don't enjoy sewing. I know that I enjoy doing computer graphics, and design. I know that I enjoy the therapy of handcrafting jewelry and even crocheting. I wanted to teach. I really wanted to teach, but I think that ship has sailed. I'm getting very close to retirement age. Maybe I can teach crafts at my retirement home in a few years.

I had quite a lot of things to complete for my flower jewelry business. One was a new business card that reflects my new product and my new website. I also wanted the address on the card to be my new website, which is linked to my Artfire shop. I really needed some, because I was almost out of cards.

When I woke up this morning I read my email and found a deal I could not pass up, so I had to throw together a card quickly. I was waiting for my new logo, but realized that it wasn't really suited for the business card. It will be on my website and brochure though. I decided to make the card reflect my website and the brochure I'm working on.

I'm very pleased with it and only hope that it turns out nice. I'm not sure how the photographic image will turn out, but the altered photo worked well on my last card.

Another thing checked off my list of things to accomplish in four months.  

March 1, 2012 - March Comes in Like a Lion

You're starting to know so much more about me than anyone else does, I might as well let you in on a little secret. I promised myself if anything happened, that I had some free time on my hands, I would write a book. Well, for the past four years, I've had lots of time on my hands, but no book. The main reason I'm writing all this down, is just to prove to myself that I can write, four months every day.

It's March, that means I've written for two of the four months everyday. Go me! That in itself is quite an accomplishment. But have I accomplished my goals?

Here's a wrap, this week has been heartbreaking and amazing. There were so many ups and down this week. I haven't had such a roller coaster ride in a long time.

The downs were that our car died, after we put so much money into it. Money we didn't really have to spare. $2000 for a car that only lasted three months and barely that is not good. And then there was the shooting in Chardon. The community we spend so much time in. The school that my daughter's brother in law went to. The school she was considering sending her son to, because his school doesn't have the best programs for him.

First positive was that on the weekend I found I got my Power Seller status on eBay and then Top Seller and later this week I rolled over 1900 feedback with a 99.4% positive rating. Darn that .6% of people who just have to be negative.

And then there were the sales. This week was amazing. I can't believe how many sales I had on all my shops, and at the end of the month. The nice thing is that most of my sales were on Artfire which means I don't have to pay those ridiculous fees on eBay.

Lastly, I got a design commission. I guess updating my profile on linked in payed off. I'll give you a little tip, even if you are a handmade artisan. Join linked in and make as many contacts as you can. Updating your profile sends out notification to your contacts. This reminds people who you are and what you do.

It's been quite a week and I can't wait to see what else March has in store for me.  

February 19, 2012

I suppose it's just the flu, sinus infection, cough, headache, muscle aches and cold lasting well over 2 weeks, but I'm ready to pack it all in. I'm remembering Maslow's hierarchy of needs and my jewelry is about at the lowest rung of the need ladder. But I guess that's where marketing comes in.

I really have to create need and desire for my product, my flowers. I sometimes think it would just serve me better to do something to earn money, a little closer to base needs. If I asked my friends what they need, I know most would say money. I'm pretty good at making facsimiles, but I might go to prison for that.

So I either have to create a driving desire to possess my product or move a little closer to basic needs, like air, clothing, food, or even love, shelter, health. I know, maybe the flowers should be edible, no, maybe they can be made with like rose quartz crystals to bring love.

Oh I know, they are pretty durable, maybe they can be bath scrubbies. I'd have to mkce the centers with plastic findings instead of metal though. If they were glow in the dark, you could use them as locaters. Maybe I could make them Solar and led lighted, and they can be used for airplane landing strips.

No, I just think they should be pretty flowers that make you feel special wearing them. That is if I don't decide to do something else. Like – what do people need, not want need. People need ______. OK so maybe want – people want _______. I just need to fill in the blanks.

Oh I'm tired and I'm tired of being funny. I just want to earn enough money to live in a tiny place of my own and afford meager food. I can do so well with that. Yesterday I fed dinner to 5 mouthes on about $6 worth of food. I was so proud of myself. Pulled pork on buns and coleslaw. We actually had leftovers for lunch too. Maybe I should write about how to live on a very tight budget. That could get published.

February 7, 2012

I am so excited about my website. It is not perfect yet but It is almost just what I want it to be. I still need to finish packaging and show examples and clean up my bio and some of the information, but overall I love where it's going. I'm not crazy about it changing daily, but I'm not really promoting it yet.

I'm using it as a gateway to my Artfire shop and the Artfire shop as a Gateway to the website. I really rather have my items for casual sale on Artfire and my Shop and Wedding sales through the website. Which reminds me, I need to do a Bridal Page.

I'm really excited about tying up my website. It will drive the direction the rest of my packaging and brochure. Oh and I'm going to do baby props too.

I want to keep the website simple, but there is so much more to do with it. And then there's the design website to do and I gave myself a deadline of February 15^th to learn the new CAD program. Too much to do in too little time. I need to ask others that have set up websites if they are getting any business there too.

February 6, 2012

Every day I think to myself, you can do this. You have a lot of experience in design and retail and you know marketing, trends and you have an uncanny insight to what all people like. I was given such a hard time in school for my product designs, and yet many of my designs look very much like what was developed in the market shortly after I graduated. I really did know where the market was headed after all.

Every day I think to myself, I can't do this. There are so many talented people out there trying to do the same thing. What would make a person want to come to me, instead of them? My flowers are nice, and cute, but what makes them more special than anyone else?

I spent some quality time in the bath today and came to the conclusion that I will not be doing embroidery on my flowers. I'll leave that to someone else. I need to focus on just 3 things, the flame sculpting, the crocheted bases and the watercolor painting. I will expand on those as the sculpted flower and the watercolor are my own processes. The crochet is the only thing I really want to add.

I also spent the evening working on my website. I was so frustrated with it and then it came to me. It still needs a bit of work, but I know the direction I'm going now and it will be easy to finish. I'll be finishing my packaging soon and other than my brochures, I'll be about ready to start approaching shops.

I don't know exactly how my brochure will look. I do know that they will be half letter size sheet. I have spiral binders, small black so that's how they'll be bound, save me a little money. I will have a picture of one of my broaches, actual size on the cover and I will attach an identical sample through the cover. That way they can wear it, but there will still be the image if they should pass it on to someone else.

I also have to design the labels for the tags, which will be seed packets. I think I have an idea for that one too.

All in all a pretty productive day today.  

January 31, 2012

I have a little confession to make, well, besides the fact that I have just not been motivated to do something with my flowers since I was booted off of Etsy. One of the reasons I don't make longer necklaces is that the flowers sitting on chain tip. They sit nice close to your neck, but if they are hanging on a chain they tend to go all wonky. There I said it.

So, I guess if I want to make longer necklaces, it's back to the drawing board. The flowers sit well on a crocheted or fabric band, but I think chain would be nicer (although more expensive as I'd need twice as much for each necklace. I'd love to come up with some kind of recycled eco bead that I could wire. Maybe that mass of dryer lint we always have.

Back to the flower pendants. I could either make a “ballast” on a single flower, with maybe a stone hanging from it's chain loop, or I could make some kind of posey pouch that the flowers hang from, like a little envelope with chain on either side and filled with 2-3 flowers. I kind of like that Idea. I think most of the necklaces need to be simple. Maybe a tiny flower vase or handmade “stems”

I have another confession. I hate artificial flowers, or silk flowers. Always have. You might think, “why is she making artificial flowers and trying to push them on other people”? I think of my flowers as not reproductions of real flowers, but little impressions of the flowers we love. Kind of like an impressionistic painting. I love paintings of flowers, like Van Gogh's Sunflowers or Art Glass flowers, like the ones L. C. Tiffany made in his mosaics.

I'm glad I'm writing this blog, because it's giving my mind clarity about what I want to do with my flowers. And I'm finding that that is my heart's desire. Which is a good thing to know. Is it starting to show?

I was also inspired today by this post on Handmadeology by Tuckoo and Moo Cow. It's short, so please take the time to read it. I think this is why I haven't sold much, and what I am missing.

January 17, 2012

Wondering why I keep writing about things from my past? Memories like those are what I am made of. They are what I use to base my decisions making on. We all have a vast amount of experience and memories that we compile and pull from when we make decisions. Sometimes that is what and why we dream, to sort things out.

When I was in College, I would program myself to problem solve during my sleep. If I had a project or problem I couldn't figure out, I would think about it before I went to sleep and most often I would wake up with the solution. The mind is an amazing machine.

I seem to solve things better when I'm asleep, because when I'm awake there is so little focus. I'm supposed to be planning my flower jewelry packaging and new merchandise, and working on my design portfolio. So what do I think about in the tub today? My dream tiny house. I even started imagining plans and dimensions today. I really want a tiny house. I'd love to have one on a little piece of semi secluded land. I want it to be eco, with a composting toilet and solar panels, maybe a small cistern for collecting water. I don't want to be overly eco though, because I want t full sized tub, not just a teeny shower. I think I want a small full refrigerator too. And I can't be totally off the grid. I need my Internet.

I did my photo shoot today. Model was great, but lighting was not. I also had too many things to do, so only took one picture of most. Bad idea. Some were kind of hazy. But they are more for atmosphere and teasing anyhow. Most of them will do just fine. I wasn't crazy about the lighting in some shots. There were shadows that I didn't like much. But I do have a lot of new product for the shop.

Working my tail off on my flower jewelry and accessory shop, and what do I sell? Aprons, bow ties and Aprons, clutches and Aprons.  

January 16, 2012

The first time I went to China to develop painted finishes (not my first trip to China) I had a horrible cold. I was working at a factory where no one spoke English and I had a translator/manager that was new and didn't understand paint or paint terms. Nothing could be translated for me. I had to be creative and I had to use other terms that could be understood.

The finish manager, brought me solvents for the paint and pointed me to two different sections of paint. There were 2 sections. She held the solvents in front of my nose so I could tell which was which. (I'm sure that was healthy for me to inhale the fumes) Unfortunately I had the worst cold I had in years and could not smell a thing. I had no idea what I had. I tried to explain, but I don't think it was translated well.

I sat at a table made for me and tried to work with the paints. I must have looked like a total fool as I tried to mix water with lacquer based paint. The finish workers must have thought “who was this fool they brought in”? Again the manager ran the solvents under my nose. Finally I asked for water based paints for me to work with. I got that through by acting like I was drinking the solvent. She brought me a few jars of dried up, fairly useless paint.

This was going to be tough. I was used to developing finishes with latex. Because latex was costly and not as flexible, and it is legal to use more volatile paints in China, they used the solvent based paints. I have to admit, once I got used to them (and the fumes) they were much easier to work with. After a few days, the shop manager realized I was sick, and she helped me with the paint problem.

They were used to having unknowledgable people come in the factory and demand the impossible. I told them, I would never make them do something I couldn't do myself. If they told me something was impossible, I would take the piece from the worker and do the task myself. It shut down the whining, because that was embarrassing, more so there than here. But I gave great praise at a job well done.

If you think buyers are hard to communicate with, try giving instructions to Chinese factory workers through a translator that does not understand the processes you are trying to explain. Sometimes you really have to get creative communicating. I did much better without the translator in the end.

Today I assembled 11 new single flower on chain necklaces and 5 headbands. I do need to make more headbands and some fascinators. I am so excited about my photo shoot tomorrow. I've started listing today, but will edit when I get the modeled pictures.

I also sold several sewn pieces. I'm so torn about this whole thing. Maybe I need to send out emissaries to wear my jewelry and pass out business cards across the country. It does seem that I'm enjoying this now, but I actually really enjoyed working in the factories in China. Hmmmm.  

January 14, 2012 - Progress Report

One of the things I really hate about having my own business, is not having health insurance. I haven't seen a Doctor in about 3 years. I take loads of vitamins and natural diuretics and anti inflammatory things, and of course my ever trusty CoQ10. And I pray a lot. There are things I can do if I really need. There is a free clinic for my county, but it's not very close, and my car is not reliable. If there is an emergency, I can use the local hospital and it should all be covered because of my low income. Not because the Government will help, but because the hospital and benefactors contribute. I really want health care reform to work and mean something to all of us.

I need to look at how far I've come since I started this journey of the mind, nine days ago.

For my jewelry business, I've discovered that I didn't have many single flower pieces. Simple pieces that might be easier to sell. I had started a website, but I need to expand on it and offer some unique pieces there. I also need more wedding offerings, as that is the most searched items in my shop. I needed packaging to offer my jewelry to brick and mortars and I need a catalog.

I made several single flower necklaces and will be offering more. I designed two crocheted pieces and have set up photography, and I've ordered packaging that hopefully will look like corsage/floral boxes. I also had a brilliant idea this morning of creating “package sets” to sell shops. With a variety of best selling product at set prices. Like starter sets.

I also applied to be a featured artist on my selling site and will be the featured artist January 24^th and 25^th.

For my potential design career, I organized my drawings and product photographs for a portfolio. I started to design a website that will showcase my work. I have also planned a few new designs based on what I see current trends in the US are. I did retouch a few older drawings in Photoshop and I still have to work on my Cad skills. I have a lot of work to do on the website, but I'm pleased with the overall design.

Although I don't really like the sewing shop, I did design and make 5 new offerings and I sold quite a bit there. I need to make totes and I'm totally procrastinating at it. I know they will sell.

As for the fitness. Still working on that one. My body apparently doesn't recognize that I'm cutting calories and exercising, although I'm not doing too much until I get in better shape. Don't want to hurt myself yet. I couldn't resist weighing myself again today. I did loose 1 lb. Hoping to do better next week.

I'm still thinking that maybe I should just be a clerk at a grocery store. Wouldn't it be wonderful to just stand and scan. Oooh they sit at Aldi's. I think I can scan pretty fast.

January 9, 2012

My jewelry business is akaCINDERS, and most of the people in the business call me Cinders (because I encourage it). I find it odd that of all the people I talk to on a daily basis, only one has asked my why Cinders. I guess if they know my real name they assume its just an endearing form of Cindy? There is really a reason for the tag Cinders.

For some reason, ever since I was a little girl, people like to turn Cindy, into Cinderella. When I was 6, I even found myself with a step mother and two step sisters (they used to be a little wicked, but are very nice now). So when I decided to open a jewelry shop on Etsy, I thought of Cinderella, and I thought of one of my favorite Hans Christian Anderson story The Tinderbox and I named it Cinderbox. That was the start of Cinders. It also had to do with recycling, I liked to reuse materials, so it was like creating from cinders. I liked that.

I had the most pleasant surprise today. Shortly after I finished my Monday blog, Life on Mars, (the one where I post all the terrible or bizarre things that happened to be the previous week) I got news that I had been featured in a blog. It was a lovely feature and really made my day. I also sold an Apron and a clutch, so that was good.

I have been considering my packaging for my flower jewelry. Packaging for the brick and mortars. I would have loved it to look like florist flower boxes. I would love for them to have windows and be eco friendly, but I'm afraid that would be too expensive or improbable. I thought that clear packaging might look like corsage boxes, but I knew they would have to be plastic and probably not recycled. Darn what a dilemma.

I was going to ask my team of indie seller friends what they thought of the possibilities. My online packaging wouldn't really work in shops. I did some searching online and found the perfect thing, clear plastic pillow boxes with a hang tab. I guess I can at least use recycled Kraft cardstock as backers and recycled Kraft stickers for labels on the packages. So I guess I made my own decision.

I sold enough today that I could buy 50 boxes to start my packaging, I'll have to buy the recycled papers later. I'm getting excited about the process.

As I haven't worked at all on product design, you can tell where my heart really is. I really do love my jewelry and hope I can find the right market for it, so that I can really make a living at it.

I just thought that I have a professional binding machine and plenty of rings. I can make little catalogs that I can ship or hand out with the jewelry samples to shops. have to plan those too. Maybe half sheet. They would need to fit in a small flat rate box, so that I can ship samples and catalog, fairly inexpensively.

Today was a very good day.

January 6, 2012

I want to say that I am no longer all about the money. That might be obvious as I am dirt poor right now. At one time I was earning 18 times my current earnings. I am not proud of either my motivation, or what I did to earn it. I clawed, wrangled and I, lets say, avoided the truth. I didn't outright lie, but I didn't exactly disclose all I knew, either.

My motivation to excel? To best my ex husband, who passed away a few years after I earned my top dollar, and to prove to my father that I could be a success. My father who had already passed several years earlier. The father that said that a secretary or a hairdresser were good careers for a woman. Did I best my ex? Yes at the tune of about 30K more than his top earnings.

I had a lot of good and bad experiences where I went, and I guess I'm glad I did it. I am kind of sad about my motivation though.

Late last night after I wrote my January 5^th entry, I decided to apply for an Artisan Feature on the site I sell at. I've been thinking about this for a few years and I finally did it. I can't believe how motivated I am. Maybe it's just because you are watching. All 8 of you who are following this post now. Lets see if I can get a few more interested. Just to let you know, it only took about 90 minutes to complete the application. Fortunately I already had a picture the correct size. I'll let you know if it's accepted, and when and where it will be posted.

I've also decided, that the best way to show my many designs to a potential client or employer, is to make a website for that too, with password protected pages of my designs, or maybe a flash player, so that they aren't on the screen too long. I'll have to work on that too.

I did not really exercise today. I even ate a little candy. I had to babysit most of the morning, run the taxi in the afternoon and I hate to exercise late. If I do, I won't sleep well. Maybe I'll do some strength, not aerobic. I guess I did more than I thought yesterday. My hip muscles hurt. I'm trying some yoga to stretch them out. The warrior pose is fantastic for hip flexors. Mine stiffen up when I exercise.

I did make a decision on yarn and I can't wait to get it. Eco friendly Bamboo Wool blend. I love the idea of bamboo. It is the best renewable resource. Bamboo is strong, durable, and you can make just about anything out of it. I ordered Green for Leaves and Ivory for Bridal Lace. Can't wait to make some new pieces. I'm going to crochet headbands too. I do wish I could make a living off my Jewelry and the Felt flowers, because that's what I love the most. C'mon people love my flowers as much as I do and buy, buy, buy!.

Funny, I've always said that you should make what people will buy, not just what you like. Somehow I have to combine what will sell with my love. I know I need to focus more on wedding pieces, fascinators, and even bouquets.

I need to force myself to try the New CAD program next week. I have to do some new designs. Maybe doing drawings on the CAD is what I need to to “change” everything. We'll see.

January 4, 2012

Putting it down on “paper” is motivating me to work harder toward my goals. At least I'm thinking of what I need to do to organize. I'm certainly not closer to finding my path, but I am thinking of what I need to lead me there.

My goal is to find a career that not only makes me happy, but can feed me and put a roof over my head. Right now I barely make enough to pay my bills and my tiny share of the rent with my Daughter.

There are other things to consider. Now, I don't have insurance, but if I get really sick, I can go to the local hospital and all my bills will be taken care of because of my low income. If I make just enough amount more, I'd have to pay. That could lower my overall free income.

Also, at the moment, my student loans are in forbearance, with just a bit more income, I might be expected to pay the absurd $600 a month payment. Who has $600 extra a month? Really absurd. I had to go to school when the interest rate was 9.5 percent. I've already consolidated so I can lower the interest if I go back to school and get out another loan.

Another consideration? In a little over a year, I'll be eligible to receive Social Security survivor benefits. Seems that unpleasant man I was married to for 19 years was worth something after all. I think I can talk to Social Security about it later this year. I have no idea how much I might receive. But still, 80% what he would have made, even if it was $1000 a (If I earned more I would have to pay back a percentage) what would I have left after student loans?

This is all making my head spin. Basically I have to figure out how much I need to make and work from there. Can I earn what I need selling on the Internet? Not sure. Certainly not what I'm doing now. Maybe selling vintage legos or electronics on eBay. I do like making my own hours. Maybe I could make more money if I spam. Oh, but I just don't have the heart for that.

Now, I just need to work on getting things together for either career I might choose. For product design, I've started organizing a portfolio. OK, so I created a new file and looked through all my drawing files and dragged ones I liked into a the new folder. But at least I did something.

I also need to try to make new drawings on a program I bought a few years ago, and didn't take the time to learn. Now is a perfect time to do that. A new project on my list. I used to do 2D Cad and this is 3D. Scary!

I need to make some statement pieces for my Flower Jewelry website. I'm thinking of embroidery on the felt and yarn wrapped bangle bracelets. I still have to sketch out ideas. I never sketch anymore. I really need to start that too. I need colored pencils, but for now I'll sketch in black and white.

I didn't exercise today, but I did haul groceries a very long way down the hill in the snow. I also ate fairly well so far, at least no big pile of cookies. But I did eat beef twice, and I hardly eat it at all anymore.

Tomorrow I will exercise a little and do my sketches. I also need to figure out if there is something I can recycle to make my bangles with. Oh and I want to make a large collar necklace. A leather base would be nice, but I think I'd rather something eco friendly. Hmmm, maybe old tire tube rubber, flexible and sturdy.

January 3, 2012

It's January third. A new year. I guess it's time I left my self imposed exile and started back into the world. I started to crash with the economy back in late 2006, by January of 2007 I was gone. Five years of wading through menopause and trying to find who I really am, with little success at either.

I'm fairly dysfunctional. Ask anyone who knows me. It's amazing that I had succeeded as well as I did. I took a long time but got myself through school in my forties, and made a decent career as a product designer, lighting being my specialty. I was driven to succeed, taking jobs wherever it meant more financial success and glory, even at the expense of my family and my soul.

There that's the ticket. I was soulless.

I can only guess that being soulless was the real reason I crashed. My heart just wasn't in sync with my ambition. Either that or those damn hormones made me scream to my Mercurial boss, who claimed to never change his mind, “BULLSHIT”, so loud that the employees out in the factory heard it.

Kind of like being mad as hell and not taking it anymore. Or just raving mad.

Since then I've tried a few alternative career paths, to avoid being put into that position again. I took on some consulting work in China,which I loved, but the back and forth travel made me very ill. And then I thought I could craft and sell on the Internet, like my very successful daughter.

After finishing my spreadsheet for my taxes this year and realizing that I made in the whole year what she made her top month. Very depressing. But I guess my heart wasn't in it. Well actually my heart wasn't in anything lately I guess.

I have so many skills and had so many goals, that I think I just imploded. I have met many of my lifetime goals, but not all yet. So I'm setting a time limit on my future. For the next four months I will spend a bit of time each day, honing a different skill, for the goals I think I might pursue. Somewhere I might find my heart and soul. I'm also going to spend this time meditating on life and getting my body back into shape. By that I mean to spend the four months healing my body and soul.

I have a bucket list of goals, but maybe I'll be able to pick one, or maybe I can combine a few. I still like to design, but maybe something more meaningful than pretty lighting, so I'm going to work on my portfolio. I'd like to teach, not sure how to approach that one yet, maybe write a CV. I love the jewelry I make, but I think it needs to be a bit more extraordinary, so I'm going to try to improve that, work on my website and get ready to contact retailers. I did want to open a Bed and Breakfast, but the one I wanted to buy, sold. And I wanted to raise Alpaca, but I'm not sure that's going to be practical.

I'm really not sure where this journey will take me, but I promise to detail it all, every day in this diary. I also swear to take a little time to be more sociable outside of the Internet. So from today, until May third, I will document my successes or failures. Starting with the five cookies and the chunk of chocolate I ate balanced with the salad for dinner. And the new design for an embroidered floral brooch.